The plot thickens.

time for a BRAG sesh on how awesome my husband is...giddy up!

1) On Friday he came home from spending 2 weeks in the field, AND THEN he listened to me ramble about my 2 weeks away from him in gruesome detail. That may not sound like much, but if you've ever had a spouse, or if you've ever been in the field, you know that you/they  come back tired and cranky and stanky, and I was really blessed by his listening skills. 

2) Today on the phone Kadan told me that he was selected to go to school... school to be a dog handler (think K-9 unit... for bomb sniffing dogs). Gosh, that sounds dumb... let me spice it up.

Many applied, 8 were interviewed, 2 got a spot in the school. During the interview, K was asked what his favorite animal was. He replied, "anything that I can hunt." That was the only dog-related question he got. I guess the rest was seeing if he had the correct personality for the job. During the interview, the interviewer asked Kadan about his wife. Something like, I see that you're married, but your wife's not here. What's with that?? K$$ gave him the whole spiel on how I was in school is south carolina, and the dude says, "oh, well then you're going to like this... The dog handling school is in NORTH CAROLINA"...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

GOD IS AWESOME. we are blessed.

My husband rocks and got selected to go to special training in North Carolina for 8 weeks.... That's two months... Two months of being 4 hours away from my husband! I AM STOKED. He leaves Germ on May 4th. I'm pooping my pants with glee. 

now for a sappy love shot, because we have them and that's how i feel.

I hope you have a big trunk, because i'm going to put my BOOKS in it.

The first time I met Jim, I left our conversation feeling like the Good Samaritan. 

Jim is a black man, maybe in his seventies, who I'd seen around the coffee shop before, but had never chatted with. He dons clothes with obvious wear, on rainy days, a plastic bag covers his baseball cap, and he has no upper teeth. The thing about Jim is that he doesn't let anything come in the way of starting a conversation with a stranger. I mean, he doesn't let ANYTHING stop him. When he introduced himself to me for the first time, I was so elbow deep in notes, books and highlighter juice with my ear buds blaring some bluegrass (great study music, by the way) that I almost didn't notice he had said anything at all. 

On our first encounter, sometime in the fall, we chatted about what I was studying, where I was going to school, where I was from... "Is that near Buffalo? Yeah, yeah I used to drive trucks up there. (laughs) You all really get some snow, dontcha?" We talked about the places he'd been to, including 2 tours in Vietnam. Being the proud Navy daughter that I am, I told him about my pops' time spent there as well. 

(bear in mind that during this conversation, in the back of my brain was the countdown clock to the next exam very LOUDLY ticking away the minutes)

The conversation went on for around a half an hour, until I began looking at my notes in between conversation points. He took the not-so-subtle hint, told me he'd let me get back to my studies, and we bid each other adieu. 

That was the first time I met Jim. 

The second, third and fourth times I met Jim were very similar. "Rochester huh? I used to drive truck up in Buffalo..."

These meetings were pretty sporadic, so I couldn't really blame him for forgetting me. I mean, he's so outgoing, imagine how many people he must meet on a daily basis. Anyway, this brings us to late January? Early February? I can't remember, it was a little while ago. 

Set the scene: Coffee shop, downtown Spartanburg ("the CoffeeBar"). Its a cold Wednesday afternoon. People rushing in and out, some chatting with old friends, some (like myself) had set up a study haven. 

I can't quite remember what class I was studying for at the time, but I guess that's kind of irrelevant. In walks my old buddy Jim. Innate reaction? Eyes down. I'm studying, can't he see that?! And wouldn't ya know it.... "Hey, where you from?" 

Bah!!

So we went through the whole song and dance, except this time when we got to the part about where I was going to school, he stopped and looked at me. "Medical school? You like books?" .... uhhhh, do I like books?.... I did a little giggle and said something like, "yeah, I guess so." Jim then told me about how he goes to the thrift stores and gets good deals. His jacket? $3. New ball cap? 50 cents. Then he says that they have lots of old medical books, real cheap. My response: "Oh, yeah? Maybe I'll have to stop in and check it out sometime." 
Jim's response: "Ooooooo yeah. Good deals too, you know, fifty cents... a dollar. I tell you what I'll do, you gonna be here next week? I'll go get you some." 
Me: OH NO, THAT'S NOT NECESSARY...
Jim: Oh yeah, yeah lots of good deals. No, no girl, I'll get them, I know where they are, real good deals.

No amount of assertive negativity to the suggestion could dissuade him. But really? He forgets me every time I see him, so what are the odds of him actually remembering we'd had this conversation and following through?

Turns out, the odds were really good. 

The next week, just like he'd promised, in he waltzed. He approached my table (in the back, this time... keeping a low profile) and asked if I knew a girl from Rochester. 
Brain: C'MON MAN, THAT WAS ME. 
Words: Yeah! I'm her, we chatted last week. 

He brought me up to the counter and had the barrista retrieve a gigantic garbage bag from behind the counter. The pointy corners of books were undeniable as they poked through the plastic. 

Brain: Welp, this is happening. 

He told me again how good of a deal they were and how he knows the stores that have the best books.  

I thanked him profusely. What else could I do? I could not believe that a man who clearly had so little, was so eager to spend his money on MY education. And that's what it was, too. He had said a few times in our previous conversations how good doctors are important and there aren't enough to be found. 

I was inclined to blame "the south" for the beautiful gift that Jim gave me. With a little more reflection, it seemed to me that the reason that Jim was so gracious was because he saw the big picture. He didn't really care about the little things like what he wore or how he got around town, but rather he cared about a community of people getting medical care.

Dude, I don't know. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. 

Anyway, I marched that bag of books right out to my car (side note: my car was 2 blocks away, I was wearing heels, it was raining, and it was not a light bag. extra side note: i considered that to be the walk of shame for having such a negative attitude about Jim and the "burden" he cast on me when I was just trying to mind my own business and study so I didn't flunk out of school. If my car had been 10 or 20 blocks away, it would have been more appropriate). When I got back inside, he said something like, "if I see anymore good ones, I'll snag them for you.".... ok, Jim :) 

Remember how I said I thought I was the Good Samaritan for taking time out of my allotted study session to talk with Jim?? yeahhhhh I was way off track. 

My heart gets so happy and sad all at the same time when I think of this story. Do we have a word to describe this??

So, now I have a trunk full of books that I have been toting around for almost 2 months, without a plan for their future. The only thing I know for sure is that I absolutely CANNOT donate them anywhere in the Greater Spartanburg area. 

If you made it to the end of this long winded schpeeel...congrats. 

What would you do?

Flying Poop

Poop. I have a test. But I just said "goodbye" to kadan for another 2 weeks in the field. I still don't know what they do out there. In my brain its all campfires and s'mores... he assures me that's not what they do. Well, now I can't study! I'm sure it will fly by....

a woman's heart

Women are so different than men. Shocker, right? Recently, as dear family and friends were enduring tragic loss, I was learning the nature of a woman's heart.

It is a horrible thing to be away from home during times like these. You want to be there, surrounding people with your love, even if there is nothing you could ever say or do to help them feel "better" or whole again. I had wished that I could just stand in the same room with those who were suffering, so that they would know I was there if they needed me and that they were not alone. I suppose that seems very purposeless. Being away makes you feel so helpless. 

As I cried, I realized that the tears were for the family, not the deceased. Why cry for someone who is spending eternity in the glorious splendor of heaven? I cried for the children, who are fatherless. I cried for the wife who is now a widow. I cried for the major milestones that will be missed: walking daughters down the aisle on their wedding days, births of grand babies, birthdays, graduations. I cried as if it were my own father that had passed away. Why?! Why was I getting myself "all worked up" over something that wasn't even my reality? 

Answer: Because my heart is designed to bear burdens with the suffering. I am programmed by God's design to feel the grief and the hurt of my brothers and sisters. As the church, we are called to care for one another, and deal with each other in love. How can that work if we don't understand each other? Maybe this is God's way of showing women with empathy in their hearts how to care for the widows and orphans, by asking us to wonder how we'd like to be cared for in that situation and to feel a fraction of what they are feeling. Or maybe, God shows us pain so that we are never alone.

So perhaps I was "helping" from a distance by sharing in their sorrow and praying for them like I'd like to be prayed for? I don't know... 

This family has shown me what it means to praise God in the storm. When the trials come, and they will come, I pray that I'll have the courage to raise my hands to the sky as they did, and that sisters in Christ will have the courage to suffer alongside me, showing love through empathy. 

just so much sadness. what can we even do?

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." -Romans 12:15