Where do we go from here?

Our nutshell of a year goes like this:

reunited and it feels SO good
graduation, BS
connecticut
big move to OK...it's just ok
summer heat, got us beat
from friends in abundance to one friend named "spouse"
Sara Lange, RDMS
payed respects to Davy Crockett
a nephew is born
unemployment blues
HIRED!
employment blues
celebration of hail aka my best friend's wedding
m=cAt
a little organic chemistry on the side
home again home again jiggity jog
I CAN YELL LOUDER THAN YOU CAN
best NCO in the whole world, and I married him
new niecey poo
VCOM 2016
separation anxiety
separation
present day.

"Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out."

Karl Augustus Menninger

Two themes emerge as I reflect over the past year:

fear and acceptance.

Whether my strong husband would ever admit it or not, it is true that this year was a trying one. Starting with a shocking change of venue for the both of us...for me- NY to OK, and for him- bachelor to provider. Having visited Oklahoma before, and knowing some of Kadan's friends there, I wasn't nervous for the move. Sad to leave my family and friends? yes. but nervous? no. Maybe I should have been. My naivete was a wonderful treat in that it lessened my emotional burden. Had I known then what I know now about serious relocation, the drive down here would have been VERY different..It might have involved a temper tantrum or two and a very gloomy disposition.

The hardest thing about moving was learning how to adjust to our marriage in a different setting. Until this point in our relationship, we were great (i'm using that word liberally) at being in a relationship that spanned a few thousand miles, an ocean or two and a time difference. Once we arrived at our home on the range, we took all that distance, space and time to ourselves and crammed it into a miniature 1 BR apt with no escape. The learning curve on living together lasted about 3 months. 3 months of crying, frustration, hurtful words, misunderstandings and growth. Yes...despite what it sounds like, we really were growing in spirit and in love for each other.

Life in the army is a myriad of unknowns. Until 20-05-2012 SGT lange will be stationed at Ft. Sill, OK. Great! then what...??? Deciding to attend medical school is one of the most difficult yet easy/exciting/terrifying decisions that kadan and I have made thus far. Why? Because of all of the unknowns. we don't have a clue as to when we'll be living together again. After all the hard work this summer learning to be in love and in the same house, we are alas forced to dig up and utilize the skills that sustained our marriage through distance. With his orders promising two years abroad in Germany, and my education promising at least 4 years plus a residency, it is easy to let fear into our hearts. Fear and distance are the tools that the devil will use to try and destroy our marriage. Lucky for us, God, truth, trust, and love are the weapons we'll be using to defend ourselves.

All of this learning has brought us to one place (i'll admit, Kadan got there faster than I did)- acceptance. We accept now that we can't predict the future. We accept that God has a plan for our lives that extends beyond this period of separation/uncertainty. God puts desires in our hearts and talents in our bodies to be used to glorify Him. I truly believe that God has called me into the medical profession, and to deny the path that He has so graciously opened for me would be wrong. The sacrifices that are made in this life, we'll be rewarded for in the next. Laying down our lives together to bring to fruition His plans for our marriage is the only way to obey Him. I am sad. I am sad to live without my husband. I am sad to have to wait to start a family. I am sad to start over in a new city. and I am sad that school will devour the next years of my life. But how can I not rejoice in the ways the Lord has provided for us?? I talk to my husband daily, the school I was accepted to is within 3o minutes of my sister/brother in law, this school's focus is medical missions. What a great way to prepare for a life serving our savior!

So we're learning to accept those things that we see as obstacles, and are accepting that it is not our plans that succeed, but God's.