The plot thickens.

time for a BRAG sesh on how awesome my husband is...giddy up!

1) On Friday he came home from spending 2 weeks in the field, AND THEN he listened to me ramble about my 2 weeks away from him in gruesome detail. That may not sound like much, but if you've ever had a spouse, or if you've ever been in the field, you know that you/they  come back tired and cranky and stanky, and I was really blessed by his listening skills. 

2) Today on the phone Kadan told me that he was selected to go to school... school to be a dog handler (think K-9 unit... for bomb sniffing dogs). Gosh, that sounds dumb... let me spice it up.

Many applied, 8 were interviewed, 2 got a spot in the school. During the interview, K was asked what his favorite animal was. He replied, "anything that I can hunt." That was the only dog-related question he got. I guess the rest was seeing if he had the correct personality for the job. During the interview, the interviewer asked Kadan about his wife. Something like, I see that you're married, but your wife's not here. What's with that?? K$$ gave him the whole spiel on how I was in school is south carolina, and the dude says, "oh, well then you're going to like this... The dog handling school is in NORTH CAROLINA"...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

GOD IS AWESOME. we are blessed.

My husband rocks and got selected to go to special training in North Carolina for 8 weeks.... That's two months... Two months of being 4 hours away from my husband! I AM STOKED. He leaves Germ on May 4th. I'm pooping my pants with glee. 

now for a sappy love shot, because we have them and that's how i feel.

I hope you have a big trunk, because i'm going to put my BOOKS in it.

The first time I met Jim, I left our conversation feeling like the Good Samaritan. 

Jim is a black man, maybe in his seventies, who I'd seen around the coffee shop before, but had never chatted with. He dons clothes with obvious wear, on rainy days, a plastic bag covers his baseball cap, and he has no upper teeth. The thing about Jim is that he doesn't let anything come in the way of starting a conversation with a stranger. I mean, he doesn't let ANYTHING stop him. When he introduced himself to me for the first time, I was so elbow deep in notes, books and highlighter juice with my ear buds blaring some bluegrass (great study music, by the way) that I almost didn't notice he had said anything at all. 

On our first encounter, sometime in the fall, we chatted about what I was studying, where I was going to school, where I was from... "Is that near Buffalo? Yeah, yeah I used to drive trucks up there. (laughs) You all really get some snow, dontcha?" We talked about the places he'd been to, including 2 tours in Vietnam. Being the proud Navy daughter that I am, I told him about my pops' time spent there as well. 

(bear in mind that during this conversation, in the back of my brain was the countdown clock to the next exam very LOUDLY ticking away the minutes)

The conversation went on for around a half an hour, until I began looking at my notes in between conversation points. He took the not-so-subtle hint, told me he'd let me get back to my studies, and we bid each other adieu. 

That was the first time I met Jim. 

The second, third and fourth times I met Jim were very similar. "Rochester huh? I used to drive truck up in Buffalo..."

These meetings were pretty sporadic, so I couldn't really blame him for forgetting me. I mean, he's so outgoing, imagine how many people he must meet on a daily basis. Anyway, this brings us to late January? Early February? I can't remember, it was a little while ago. 

Set the scene: Coffee shop, downtown Spartanburg ("the CoffeeBar"). Its a cold Wednesday afternoon. People rushing in and out, some chatting with old friends, some (like myself) had set up a study haven. 

I can't quite remember what class I was studying for at the time, but I guess that's kind of irrelevant. In walks my old buddy Jim. Innate reaction? Eyes down. I'm studying, can't he see that?! And wouldn't ya know it.... "Hey, where you from?" 

Bah!!

So we went through the whole song and dance, except this time when we got to the part about where I was going to school, he stopped and looked at me. "Medical school? You like books?" .... uhhhh, do I like books?.... I did a little giggle and said something like, "yeah, I guess so." Jim then told me about how he goes to the thrift stores and gets good deals. His jacket? $3. New ball cap? 50 cents. Then he says that they have lots of old medical books, real cheap. My response: "Oh, yeah? Maybe I'll have to stop in and check it out sometime." 
Jim's response: "Ooooooo yeah. Good deals too, you know, fifty cents... a dollar. I tell you what I'll do, you gonna be here next week? I'll go get you some." 
Me: OH NO, THAT'S NOT NECESSARY...
Jim: Oh yeah, yeah lots of good deals. No, no girl, I'll get them, I know where they are, real good deals.

No amount of assertive negativity to the suggestion could dissuade him. But really? He forgets me every time I see him, so what are the odds of him actually remembering we'd had this conversation and following through?

Turns out, the odds were really good. 

The next week, just like he'd promised, in he waltzed. He approached my table (in the back, this time... keeping a low profile) and asked if I knew a girl from Rochester. 
Brain: C'MON MAN, THAT WAS ME. 
Words: Yeah! I'm her, we chatted last week. 

He brought me up to the counter and had the barrista retrieve a gigantic garbage bag from behind the counter. The pointy corners of books were undeniable as they poked through the plastic. 

Brain: Welp, this is happening. 

He told me again how good of a deal they were and how he knows the stores that have the best books.  

I thanked him profusely. What else could I do? I could not believe that a man who clearly had so little, was so eager to spend his money on MY education. And that's what it was, too. He had said a few times in our previous conversations how good doctors are important and there aren't enough to be found. 

I was inclined to blame "the south" for the beautiful gift that Jim gave me. With a little more reflection, it seemed to me that the reason that Jim was so gracious was because he saw the big picture. He didn't really care about the little things like what he wore or how he got around town, but rather he cared about a community of people getting medical care.

Dude, I don't know. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. 

Anyway, I marched that bag of books right out to my car (side note: my car was 2 blocks away, I was wearing heels, it was raining, and it was not a light bag. extra side note: i considered that to be the walk of shame for having such a negative attitude about Jim and the "burden" he cast on me when I was just trying to mind my own business and study so I didn't flunk out of school. If my car had been 10 or 20 blocks away, it would have been more appropriate). When I got back inside, he said something like, "if I see anymore good ones, I'll snag them for you.".... ok, Jim :) 

Remember how I said I thought I was the Good Samaritan for taking time out of my allotted study session to talk with Jim?? yeahhhhh I was way off track. 

My heart gets so happy and sad all at the same time when I think of this story. Do we have a word to describe this??

So, now I have a trunk full of books that I have been toting around for almost 2 months, without a plan for their future. The only thing I know for sure is that I absolutely CANNOT donate them anywhere in the Greater Spartanburg area. 

If you made it to the end of this long winded schpeeel...congrats. 

What would you do?

Flying Poop

Poop. I have a test. But I just said "goodbye" to kadan for another 2 weeks in the field. I still don't know what they do out there. In my brain its all campfires and s'mores... he assures me that's not what they do. Well, now I can't study! I'm sure it will fly by....

a woman's heart

Women are so different than men. Shocker, right? Recently, as dear family and friends were enduring tragic loss, I was learning the nature of a woman's heart.

It is a horrible thing to be away from home during times like these. You want to be there, surrounding people with your love, even if there is nothing you could ever say or do to help them feel "better" or whole again. I had wished that I could just stand in the same room with those who were suffering, so that they would know I was there if they needed me and that they were not alone. I suppose that seems very purposeless. Being away makes you feel so helpless. 

As I cried, I realized that the tears were for the family, not the deceased. Why cry for someone who is spending eternity in the glorious splendor of heaven? I cried for the children, who are fatherless. I cried for the wife who is now a widow. I cried for the major milestones that will be missed: walking daughters down the aisle on their wedding days, births of grand babies, birthdays, graduations. I cried as if it were my own father that had passed away. Why?! Why was I getting myself "all worked up" over something that wasn't even my reality? 

Answer: Because my heart is designed to bear burdens with the suffering. I am programmed by God's design to feel the grief and the hurt of my brothers and sisters. As the church, we are called to care for one another, and deal with each other in love. How can that work if we don't understand each other? Maybe this is God's way of showing women with empathy in their hearts how to care for the widows and orphans, by asking us to wonder how we'd like to be cared for in that situation and to feel a fraction of what they are feeling. Or maybe, God shows us pain so that we are never alone.

So perhaps I was "helping" from a distance by sharing in their sorrow and praying for them like I'd like to be prayed for? I don't know... 

This family has shown me what it means to praise God in the storm. When the trials come, and they will come, I pray that I'll have the courage to raise my hands to the sky as they did, and that sisters in Christ will have the courage to suffer alongside me, showing love through empathy. 

just so much sadness. what can we even do?

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." -Romans 12:15

Francesca Battistelli and I are two peas.

If you've never heard Francesca Battistelli's "Free to be me"... you're going to want to youtube that really quickly to give you a sense of how I feel today. 

I like to think I have it all together.

My pre-test routine goes as follows:

-wake up at 5 

-shower and get my act together

-go to starbucks and get a multigrain bagel with butter and a coffee

-study @ sbucks until 7 when school opens

-go to school and study until 8... exam time.

I've become neurotic about my pretest "flow." I don't ever remember being this weird during undergrad. Anyway, all this to say, I've got a system and I expect it to be uninterrupted. 

Being that today was a test day, my test taking machine was on full blast by 5:30. After my exam I had a little more than an hour to kill before my next lecture. Since I was up so late last night on account of being ill prepared for the exam, and due to early rising, I decided that a nap was in order. Driving home I was formulating my plan... my PLAAANNN!! There is always a plan: 
Nap for 20
curl my hair-10 min
throw all my junk in a bag for the rest of the evening (i'm trying to avoid driving home 4 times a day and funding the palaces of arab princes)
race out the door and to class by 10

All was going well: napped, junk in bag, hair curled with about 1 minute to spare. I was down to the very last moment that I knew I could leave the house and not be late to class. then it happened. I raced out the door, slammed it shut and immediately realized I didn't have my keys. "noooooooo!!!!!!" I tried to start my car without the keys... just for fun. No luck. 

My really great, well-thought-out plan did NOT allow time for such a delay. For the first few minutes of my lock out, I thought that there was still the smallest chance I could make it. I checked the front door, then the back door -then did it AGAIN. Then checked the mailbox for a key, which was there, but it didn't work in our new locks. I had been defeated both by vanity and by hastiness. As it turns out, the defeat that I felt wasn't actually defeating, it was more liberating. I had escaped my plan! Or rather, the plan had gone on without me.

The most hilarious aspect of this story is the why I had to get back to class. I had a meeting at 12:30 in which I was running for an officer position in CMDA (Christian Medical Dental Association) on campus. In order to insert my name for candidacy, I had to write a letter of intent. Here is a direct exert: "I’m very organized and am timely in all things..."...as I am locked out of my house in the rain with no hope of making it to the meeting in either an organized OR a timely fashion. 

For the next 20 minutes, I stood in my heels in the rain in the back yard trying to pry open my roommates window. Remember that part about me curling my hair which ended up in me running late which ended up getting me locked out of the house? Right. The rain promptly took care of that. Fortunately, I was able to hoist myself into her window once I jimmied the screen open. Her pug named Sam was sitting in her room staring back at me. Best scene ever: crazy lady soaking wet, half in the window, half out, talking to black pug saying , "sammy! you couldn't help me out buddy?" while Sam just stares, like "this is who i'm forced to live with."

Already late for class, I drove down town (after I had pulled myself together) and got a delicious hot tea. Back to reality and somewhat sad to be leaving my adventure, I drove to school and waited for the next hour of class to commence. As I was waiting to enter lecture, I looked down at my nicely pressed black dress pants. Across both thighs was a white-ish, chalky residue from teeter-tottering myself on the window sill. It looked like someone had taken a chalkboard eraser and drawn it across my lap from left to right. NICE. In a funny way, it was a great reminder that although I had made it back into the hum drum of school, the adventure lived on. I liked that. 

God is all over this edition of life with Sara. If you haven't spent time in the word yet today, or are feeling that you are like me sometimes, always on the run, perhaps today would be a good time to slow down and think about how God is trying to teach you to deccelerate, relax and enjoy the blessings he's bestowed upon you.

While you were out...

it's been a while.

I have struggled with the purpose of this blog. Why write about yourself?? to prove to the world how narcissistic one can be? Hence the radio silence. As I reread through some of my previous entries, it became very clear to me that this was not only a way to keep in touch with so many important people in my life, but more importantly, a way for me to organize my thoughts and feelings. Feelings can be quite a messy affair, indeed. 

Much has happened in the nearly ten month lapse since my last post. As was mentioned last May, Kadan left on a business trip to Germany that will continue until June of this year, at which point he'll be relocating to a more exciting destination. I have taken up residence in Spartanburg, South Carolina and am becoming more of the charming Southern Belle I was destined to be. FALSE. I talk about poop far more than anyone needs to or should. Oh well... there are a few areas in my life that might require a little more refining. 

inadequacy

Upon matriculation at Edward Via College of Osteopathic Medicine, aka, VCOM, I wrestled with being inadequate. I was convinced that a career in medicine would be a stretch, a struggle, and would be a game of survivor. Could I make it to the next block of curriculum? It turns out that saying "Jumping in with both feet" in reference to medical school is actually a euphemism a for jaw rattling, skin searing belly flop into the deep end of never ending school work and study. But this is not a place for me to list my woes on the hardship of the INCREDIBLE BLESSING TO BE IN SCHOOL AND GETTING AN EDUCATION THAT MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT AFFORDED THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE. i'm not sure i constructed that sentence good. anyway... the point is, that after failing my first test... ever... God showed me what it meant to be dedicated to school. He was forcing me to commit 100% to the career path that I've chosen. (My future patients should thank Him.) After a month or two feeling totally inadequate and wondering why the Lord would have chosen me to be here, I started to see the ways that He had prepared me exceptionally for this trial. 

a best friend visit can change everything.

At the end of September, ol' Al Pal came to visit. it was the bomb. I was so blessed by her being here! I know so many others would love to come and visit also, but the fact that she was willing to take some days off of work in order to be here was incredible. I AM BLESSED TO HAVE HER. So is Alan... I'll remind him of that. Also, we flattened pennies on the railroad tracks and i felt like the world's best urban mom.

Coated in White, D. O.

Mom and Pops

That's right. It's in white. As a reward for making it through your first block in medical school, students are awarded their official "white coat." My wonderful parents DROVE down from NY to be here!! I was also so pleased to have my sister, broseph and niece in attendance.

My roommate Mia

C-money, A man, Gav.

out on a limb, up on a rock.

I started going to the local climbing gym in October. I love the climbing gym. God has given me a wonderful place to be myself, to enjoy the company of others and to do something I love. It is a wonderful respite from the daily drudgery and my life here would be (and was) sorely lacking without it's presence. I am SO thankful for the AMAZING people God has blessed me with. Have I said that enough, yet??? Such a truly amazing place with amazing people amazing amazing wonderful the best blessed so great how do i describe it amazing. Bah! God is good. He's made some pretty cool people and I'm so glad I can call them my buddies. I'm learning a lot...

the BEST Christmas gifts

K$ came home for Christmas... we experienced life as a married couple again, and i was reminded of how much I love him. He is one of the coolest dudes I've ever seen. Beautiful, quippy, smart, reserved, and boy can he encourage. I'm learning to appreciate things I didn't know about him... ie- somewhere along the line, he became very sensitive and loving. There is something SO special and precious about being on the receiving end of love and from a person who shows emotion to so few. I tell you what, the heart can only take so much. Each time we say "adios" it's as if my heart ruptures again and again and it gushes. then nothing. stone. no feeling. this is our life now.

Dear sweet romeo treated me to a photo shoot for Christmas...don't be fooled by our grimaces... we're quite pleased to be here. I promise. 

hostess with the mostest???

My buddy Ben from the gym has given me the opportunity to show love by hosting his fiancee, Anna,  for the weekend. It is amazing. I wish we could spend more time chatting! She will be moving to Sburg soon and it will be so nice to have her here! I'm so pleased that I could show hospitality and that a friend of a few weeks would feel comfortable to ask me. HOW GREAT. I've always wanted to have one of those houses where there is always a place for someone to crash. Letting people into my life, and others letting me into theirs is so special. 

The literary eloquence has dropped off significantly since the start of this post, but alas, I'm tired, and who really cares???

So to sum upppppp:

We moved around again

school started, Dr. bound---heyoooo

bestie came for a visit

parents came for a visit

climbing changed my life... or rather... my friends did

kadan. hearts hurting/wonderful love

Love through hospitality

So thankful for how God sustains me through these times with amazing family and amazing friends.. AND so thankful that He doesn't reveal His plan to us all at once.

as celine would say, "these are special times"

For those who are keeping track of the Lange's on their radar screens...here are some new blips of news.

As a special treat for those of us who like to TRY to plan ahead, the army has changed Kadan's orders. Instead of leaving for Germany in the beginning of June, his new report date is July 10th (his birthday!). This means two things:

 1) I get to spend more time with the man in the uniform--yay!, and 

2) we won't be leaving Oklahoma as soon as we thought. 

As it stands now, I have an exam scheduled for 6/18 in Syracuse at 9:30 AM, so I'll be home hopefully a few days before that. Kadan should follow soon after since we have to be out of our apt here by 6/19. We won't be able to join our family in Connecticut for our annual Memorial Day blow out (bummer!) but will hopefully see everyone before we head of in different directions.

As easy as it is to get discouraged by all of this mumbojumbo, I have been reminded DAILY of how provisional God is, and how He's blessed me with a husband who is the exact opposite of me... meaning that he goes with the flow.w.w.w...

Being a real anal boobie head, I had all of our business in order to be out of our apt by 5/25. We signed a contract with the apt complex that ended our lease on that day, I filled out a change of address form and had mail forwarding set up at the post office, and I'd signed a lease and paid for June rent at the new digs in SC. Because of the Lord's provision, our apt that was already rented by another tenant for the month of June, was freed up, and we're able to stay here until June 19th. The post office was able to post-pone our mail forwarding until then, also.

 I guess in retrospect it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. But when this was all going down, I had no perspective whatsoever and felt like no worse news had ever been delivered to anyone in the history of the world. Enter Kadan. While I was busy throwing a hissy fit, he was busy showing me what faith looks like by trusting in God's plan for us, and knowing that all would be well. 

As far as the Army scholarship goes, I'm still waiting to hear. It has been a frustratingly loooonnnngg process. According to my recruiter, we are waiting for "exceptions" to be signed by higher ups. I need 2 exceptions before the board will review my packet. The first is an exception to NOT complete Officer Training Course before school starts (due to lack of time), and the second is for my MCAT score. I was 1 point short of an eligible score for the scholarship, but because of my good academic record and high GPA,  they are writing an "exception" for me to become eligible. We have been waiting for these exceptions for over a month, and I'm told they usually take 2 weeks. With the scholarship-handing-out season drawing to a close, prayers would be appreciated that things get rolling with the exceptions and with getting before the review board who actually makes the decision about whether I get the scholarship or not. 

bleh. 

God is good, and if there's anything that I've learned thus far, it is that He will provide. Although that seems to be a lesson that I am constantly forgetting.